Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
