i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
