i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
