no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
