i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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