I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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