Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You can't just leave with hair like that
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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