Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
