I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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