they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
