I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
