Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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