I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
