hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
