Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize