I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
