God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
