i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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