anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize