The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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