i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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