She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
