This is not my ceiling
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
