do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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