everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
cat food counts as protein by the way
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
