Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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