If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
