Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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