Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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