Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize