He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
