Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
