I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize