I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
