Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
