you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
