My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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