Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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