I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
