You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
