Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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