Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.