yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
