I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
