I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
