I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
