His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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