nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize