Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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