The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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