i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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