She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
