My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
