u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
