Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize