Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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