so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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