You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
