I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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