I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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