Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
