I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
