Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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