How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
